


oh, if only

by peternureyev



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Oneshot, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 22:53:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3913669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peternureyev/pseuds/peternureyev
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She remembered the way he’d made her feel, ecstatic and liberated and absolutely mad. Vili was like pure sunlight, grinning at her and kissing her and laughing at her terrible jokes. He made her feel warm inside, so much so that her heart ached with love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	oh, if only

She remembered the first time she’d seen him, that shy little boy hiding behind his mother’s russet skirts, his shock of fair hair half hidden from view. She’d grinned at him, tossing a dark curl behind her ear, daring him to come and get her. Her nursemaid had smiled at the little princess’ brash attitude. The large dwarrowdam had ushered her away, but Dis had locked eyes with the boy as she’d turned. Only then had he smiled, his little pink lips turning up at the edges, mouthing words at her back. _I’m Vili_.

She remembered playing in the mountain, laughing and shouting as she ran after him, her hair caught in the small gusts of white air that blew dust and lantern light into her gleaming eyes. He was fast, even then, but he had always stopped and waited for her, letting her pant, leaning on her knees, pausing to catch her breath every few seconds. Sometimes Frerin and Thorin would join them, and they would hurtle up the stone stairs, shrieking with joy and excitement.

She remembered him as he grew, always tall and strong, towering over her and almost matching Thorin. He grew more handsome, and sometimes she’d catch the few other girls trying to catch his eye, nudging him in the corridors and sending him covert, flirtatious smiles. At some point, Dis had begun to feel jealous, and would snap at those who had previously been her friends.

She hadn’t understood what it was she was feeling until one warm summer’s morning when she was about twenty five. She had been standing on the ramparts of Erebor, gazing across towards Dale. The bustling city of men was happy and carefree, children rushing around like small dots of ink on parchment, their slightly larger parents carefully watching. She breathed in the air, the freedom, the sense of joy in the summer skies. _It’s beautiful, isn’t it?_ Dis’ heart had leapt at his low voice as she’d felt a blush spread over her cheeks.

She remembered the way he’d made her feel, ecstatic and liberated and absolutely mad. Vili was like pure sunlight, grinning at her and kissing her and laughing at her terrible jokes. He made her feel warm inside, so much so that her heart ached with love.

Thirty was young to start a courtship, but Dis and Vili did not care. He loved her, she loved him, what could be better?  His first gift to her was a silver bracelet that he clasped around her wrist with gentle fingers, before showing her one identical to it that wrested on his own arm. _They’ll keep us together._ She’d thrown her arms around his neck and kissed him, not caring about protocol or the brooding presence of her father in the corner.

She remembered the day they were wed. She was thirty seven, and he one year older. Her mother dressed her in a pale green gown and soft slippers, before her brothers tossed a regal fur gown over her shoulders, Thorin clapping a heavy hand on her shoulder, and Frerin raising a suggestive eyebrow. Vili had gasped at the sight of her, and as Thrain joined their hands together, she grinned at him. He was like a lion, brave and handsome, kind and fierce.

She remembered the way they had run hand in hand, cradling what little things they could salvage, singed brows and mouths open, breath heavy as they fled from the dragon. Fire, everywhere. Tearing apart their whole life. Vili’s parents and sister, Dis’ mother, their home. But she had Vili, at least. _She had her lion._

There was a period of her life when even Vili could not keep her out of the dark. Everything and every _one_ appeared to be lost. But he helped. His warm hands on her too cold back, heating her, if only for a little while. Their breath mingling, hair tangled with straw as they lay together in the hovel where they were now forced to live. She loved him more than life.

She remembered when their sons had been born. Fili not so much, she had been unconscious, the pain too much for even her to bear. But with Kili she had been awake every second, feeling her beloved’s hand clutching her sweaty palm. They were so beautiful, her boys. Fili was so much like his father, even down to the stubborn set of his jaw. The long nose, however, he had from his mother’s side. Frerin…Frerin had been the same. Kili was the spitting image of her, and perhaps he had a little of Thorin in him as well.

She remembered the day before he left. The way he had pressed that small black stone into her hand, running her fingers over the engraved runes. Return to me, they said. _It’s a promise. That I’ll come back to you, and that we’ll be together again._ She’d nodded, despite her trepidation, and Vili had bent down, hugging his children, before lightly brushing his lips across hers.

_It’s a promise. That I’ll come back to you, and that we’ll be together again._

Oh, if only. As the tears ran down her face, she looked at each of her sons in turn. They were older now, and braver, and stronger, and each of them so much like their father, like their uncles, like their grandfather. Both of them, jumping aboard this quest to save the mountain home they’d never even seen. A ball of fear, tight in her throat, threatened to burst out of her. She tried to smile, sadly, but it wavered.

_Please, please come back to me._

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this very quickly, so its not been properly checked or anything! Please point out mistakes! I love Dis and I...love angst...
> 
> eveningisgrey.tumblr.com


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